just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
