i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
