No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
