You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
