I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
