No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
