oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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