I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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