dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My pussy is not your playground.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
