I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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