i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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