Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
