you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
