No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
