We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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