I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
