Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
