Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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