I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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