she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
