My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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