You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
