i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
