and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
