can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
