he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
