It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize