So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
