SEEEEXXX PLEASE
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
