epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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