I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize