My sheets look like a crime scene.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize