Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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