What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
