# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
