i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
