Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
