oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
