someone threw a dead crab at me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
