btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
