I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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