So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
