You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
