I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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