Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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