I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
