Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
