Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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