Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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