Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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