i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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