I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
