Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
