Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
