this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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