...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize