I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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