Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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