the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize