respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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