Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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