do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize