she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
