When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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