whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
