Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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