Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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