Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
