She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
