Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
