yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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