This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
