i jhust puked up my retainher.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
