Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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