WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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