Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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