soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
