I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
