so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
